PROSPECT PARK — A Saturday morning jog took an unusual turn when a local runner discovered a woman lying unconscious just off a wooded path in Prospect Park shortly after sunrise.
The jogger, who initially believed the woman might be intoxicated or worse, contacted authorities after she failed to respond. Officers arrived to find the woman—identifying herself only as Rachel—mud-streaked, barefoot, and surrounded by scattered leaves.
Upon regaining consciousness, Rachel dismissed suggestions that she had overdosed or wandered into the park in a confused state. According to Rachel, she had been accosted by elves living deep within the park's woods—creatures she described as "treacherous," "very old," and "quite vengeful."
"They keep ledgers," she reportedly told officers. "You don't get something for nothing, and I couldn't pay."
Officer Neale, an eight-year veteran of the precinct, initially treated the account as another colorful entry in the long tradition of strange Prospect Park stories. He noted that he had heard everything from time travelers to cursed squirrels over the years.
Rachel, however, insisted this encounter was different. She claimed the elves had "gone too far this time" and, before officers could redirect the conversation, made a loud vow of revenge toward the trees. Moments later, a single bolt of lightning struck a nearby oak, splitting it down the middle even though the sky was blue with nither a cloud in site.
"It was bright, completely still, then boom. Just one strike" said one witness who declined to be named.
Officer Neale paused, looked at the smoldering trunk, then back at Rachel.
"Didn't see that coming," he later admitted.
Park officials have since cordoned off the damaged tree and attributed the incident to a "highly localized atmospheric anomaly," though no further explanation was provided. Several nearby birds reportedly vacated the area immediately following the strike. Birders have been dismayed ever since.
Rachel was transported for medical evaluation and is expected to recover fully. She remained adamant throughout that "the elves had been warned."
Officer Neale completed his report, added a note regarding the lightning, and returned to patrol. "Just another day in the outer boroughs," he said. "The paperwork's a nightmare, but the stories write themselves."
Residents are advised that Prospect Park remains open, though officials recommend caution in the wooded areas. Don't approach anyone or anything with pointed ears or a green hat.